Retired to the Rafters

Wisdom Script:

“Overuse makes this font an unwise choice.”—John

“Elegant, but so overused it gives us a rash-like itchy feeling all over.” —Will

“I’m so Fancyyyy…” —Iggy Azalea 

Trajan:

“Hey, let’s make a movie poster! Hey, we need to do a sign for a Law Office. Or, a movie about a law office!” —Matt

"Designed to mimic script found in classical antiquity, this overused font belongs in a museum." —John

"TraJan Brady: Always miserable."—Sean

“Isn’t this a condom company?” —Derek

Archer:

“I’m just quirky enough for hipsters to like me! Please, like me. Please.”—Kate

“Says: I want you to know that this is a legitimate enterprise I’m trying to brand. But I also like to have fun too. Which makes me the font version of a mullet.”
—Matt

“Dingleberrifs.”—Sean

Bebas:

"Permanently in the penalty box for illegal kerning." —Derek

"A condensed sans-serif adored by hipsters who have become too cool for Helvetica.” —Will

“As boring as a plain bagel.” —John

“Apparently, an excuse to ignore letterspacing altogether.”—Sean

Papyrus:

“Two generations of designers wish it was dead.” —Derek

“More like nap eye-crust, amiright?” —Sean

“The typographic equivalent of your creepy uncle.” —Will

“If the snake didn’t kill Cleopatra, this font would have.”—Matt

Lobster: 
“Wicked ova-used.”—Derek

“Just because it’s named after an expensive food, doesn’t mean it won’t make your design look cheap." —Kate

“As with most free fonts, Lobster is abused by every half-wit with an illegal version of Illustrator and no self-control.”—Will

Comic Sans: 

“A great choice for inviting your friends to your unicorn-themed 8th birthday party." —Kate

“The demonic clown of typefaces.”—Sean

“Like a joke that was taken way too far, Comic Sans reeks of embarrassment and regret.” —Will

"A typographer walks into a bar..." —John

Meta: 

"I couldn’t even think of a critique for this because I fell asleep after looking at it for five seconds.” —Kate

“More like Metamucil…” —Matt

“Wish it were mbettah.” —Sean

Impact: 

“Ironically, no impact.”—Derek

“Turns me into Grumpy Cat.” —Sean

“The font equivalent of an All-Caps email.” —Matt

"Used mostly for memes and bad powerpoint presentations, type set in Impact can’t help but look like a shouting match." —Will